Gorge
by Mateo Perez Lara
Content Warnings: Blood, Violence, Homophobia
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[Unsealed_Correspondences [ entry_ files_remaining_evidence_] case: murder and missing persons report_examination_1]
Deliverance, by the time this letter reaches you, it will be the day of your residence at the Burn Estate. You must heed the rules I outlined in the notebook you received in the package I left for you. You must listen if you expect to have a delicate, calm, and easy stay. The family that resides at Burn Estate are, as mentioned, cold and unfriendly, unfortunately your residence as you know is my doing and in order to gain their favor or at least their indifference, you must follow the instructions correctly. You are sworn to secrecy. Anything they say or do is to remain with you in your mind like a sealed vault. Your allowance will come from Dirge Burns every Friday at precisely 5 PM, you may ask them to give you a check, cash, or that app you use, I believe it was Venmo? Either way, I would suggest cash out of convenience as you are not to travel very far from the estate on your off days. Please write back at your earliest convenience when you have a chance.
⛧
Deliverance, I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised you took a liking to Dirge’s eldest son, Mr. Epoch Burn. He has that air about him. However, they are a conservative, status-oriented family and will most likely not take too kindly to your pursuing of Epoch. I do advise you against it, but I assume you will do what you want. Please follow the rules I outlined. Please, do not sleep with the man. Flirtations are fine, but they would not take too kindly to you and your expression. They have never hired or seen someone like you and I, someone that breaks the very foundation of gender tradition and norm. My apologies, I have not made it known to them when they gave you the position. I hadn’t explained to them what nonbinary means or what pronouns are. I had hoped they wouldn’t be as surprised as they were when I received word from them about you. They do find you most intriguing, and the best resident they have housed. Please be mindful of your dress, and the details of your identity. Do not expose too much.
⛧
Deliverance, if you find yourself lost, remember each hall has an emblem at the end tucked inside a vase. You simply twist the emblem from upside to downside. Someone at the estate will find you, whether morning or evening. I suppose the darkness of the house, the creaking of the floorboards, the chill does not disturb you. I know you’ve been fond of those kinds of things since you were small. Since before your transition, of course. How are the medicines going? I had them prepare a parcel for you it should have been delivered today, how are you faring? Please do not go anywhere on the estate that is not marked on the map I gave you. I am unsure of the goings-on in those locations. I would be wary. Please write soon.
⛧
Deliverance, I have been made aware that Epoch was caught in your room last week. Please, do not tell me you did what I think you did. They have eyes everywhere. They do not take kindly to transgressions involving the help and the family. You are there to work. You are not there for fun. How about on your off days, you see to the little Mirage pub outside of the estate. They will allow that. Being caught in their web, I assure you, is something you are not prepared nor will welcome. Do not let loneliness, desires, and terror dictate. Keep your mind open.
⛧
Please, do not fear their dinners. Do not fear the blood. Do not fear the noises. It is how it has always been. Dirge Burn has been afflicted with this wealth for so long he forgets how to keep quiet, nor how to be mindful or demure of those around them. Dirge also forgets who is working for him time to time. Melody Burn is an exceptional wife. She remembers everything. She is seldom seen. For you to have seen her, was a treat. I hope they didn’t notice you, however. DO NOT fear the way they indulge themselves. It happens but once every few months. It is their habit. It is their ritual. Their riches, their status came with a price. Which is why you take your dinner at a different time than them. Be thankful you were not seen. Please, tell no one else, I will burn this letter at once, you must do the same with mine. I will be taking a few weeks off; I will promptly reply after the holiday. Please keep to yourself until then. Leave Epoch alone! Do not travel anywhere alone during their mealtime. Please.
⛧
Deliverance, I cannot believe you did it. You went into great detail I almost fell over dead. They will not be pleased if Epoch ever says anything. I hope no one else heard or witnessed you, forgive me, but I hope they didn’t notice you fucking. What did he say about you? Did he think you were a woman, a man, nothing, what did he say? I realize most men have never been with someone like you. You hide it very well. I do hope you did not let him take a piece of you. If he did, you can never leave. You must check your belongings. Make sure nothing is missing. You must make sure you have everything. You do not want their life. Please burn this letter. We’ve exchanged too much information, already.
⛧
Deliverance, you cannot be in love with Epoch. It will be a life you do not want to live. The way they must survive is not the future you want or that you deserve. Epoch means to trap you, to keep their bloodline going, I have seen this once before. When he realizes you cannot give him what he wants, I am afraid I won’t be able to save you.
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Deliverance, I will tell you this, like always, burn the letter. Yes, I will answer your questions. I am sorry for keeping in you in the dark so long. I was afraid uttering it out loud would somehow allow them to track me. But this is for your own safety. Yes, they eat human flesh. That man you saw yesterday, yes, the one on the table, whether writhing or not, that is a common practice. They serve them alive. For some reason, the decadence of the fear is something they enjoy. I never questioned it nor asked myself as I only saw it once on accident. Epoch, Melody, Dirge, their other children, all have this affliction. They never said how or why, only it has been centuries. I suppose it came with the price of their bloodline and the riches they have amassed. This is who they are now. Do not make friends or talk to any of the silent people arriving in mid-evening, you do your job, and think nothing of it. Your residence is over in six months, you will get through this. Please watch yourself until then, act as if you know nothing.
⛧
Deliverance, yes, the heart is unruly, I know how love feels, but please, sure, Epoch is a kind man, but he is also dangerous. What he wants, as you know, will come to pass. You must dissolve your affection of him and do not let him pursue you. Once he decides you are his or claims you, you are bound. When he finds out you cannot have children, I am unsure what his next move will be. You must destroy this gluttony of desire. You must.
⛧
Deliverance, I am sorry but per the binding contract, you cannot leave early from your residence. After the suspicious murder of their youngest son, Early Burn, this is the best I could do for you. They do not let anyone out of their contract early. You knew going into this that they would only forgive if you were to serve. I cannot take you from there until after the time is up. You must step lightly. I have heard of Epoch’s pursuit of you. The late nights he is in your room, how he is inside you, how he rummages your mind, and licks your skin as if you are a bone to a dog. Please, be mindful, the intentions are not at all clear. Please write me soon, the days are darkening quickly. I fear nothing but the worst. Keep a level head.
⛧
Deliverance, I hope this letter finds you in time. I hope you get to it before they do. There is a tunnel in the reading room. It was built long ago. They revealed it to me the second week of my own residency. They said it was in case anyone more powerful than them came looking around. They would go through there and end up at the lake. From there, the road is three miles. Never leave at night. They have people guarding the area. If you leave, leave during dinner right before the sun goes down. I cannot guarantee your safety, but this is the only chance for you to leave. With Epoch dead, they will come looking for you. They will not let you go. I hope you are able to escape. I eagerly await you at the lake. I hope to see your face. I hope to see you alive and well. Please, do not let their hunger or rage terrorize you. I have locked a pistol in your trunk at the bottom. Push down on it. Take it with you. I had feared this moment and wanted you to be prepared. They are strong, but they aren’t invincible. Take a candle. Please follow the map and the instructions as I said. Please do not let them terrify you. You are strong. You have survived worse.
Mateo Perez Lara (they/them) is a queer, non-binary, Latinx poet from California. They have a pamphlet of poems, Glitter Gods, showcased with Thirty West Publishing House. They have an MFA in Poetry from Randolph College. Their work has been published in EOAGH, The Maine Review, The Acentos Review, and elsewhere.